you made it another year. Congrats.
Much triumph, many gains, but also loss. I dedicate my reflection to my Uncle Frank, a person who truly lived without the intention of dying. I, unfortunately, lost him in August to pancreatic cancer. I had a hard time coping with that, but losing him opened me up to so much in my life.
Where do I start.
The first half of my year, I saw much struggle. I had to deal with becoming older, becoming more mature, becoming ready for the next phase of my life. But I hampered myself.
I walked into a pregnancy situation with an ex of mine at the top of the year. The issue wasn’t whether she was pregnant or not (which to this day, I have never seen anything definitive). The issue was I didn’t handle the situation correctly or maturely. I let anger and growing disdain take control of the situation. I wasn’t rational. Imagine, a pregnancy being handled by a college sophomore and a girl who had only been in college for a semester, both people being irrational. I was angry, she was heartbroken. A bad combination. I didn’t step up when I should have.
I also gained a great relationship through everything. The love of my life walked in, after a two-year hiatus away from me. She’s helped me grow emotionally and mentally. She’s challenged me through it all. She’s my best friend. Never have I opened myself to another female like I have to her. We’ve always been so candid with each other, even before a relationship grew between us. And we’ve just grown so much closer. I didn’t treat her right at first, and I learned from my mistake the hard way. It took losing her to really learn about myself and her.
That leads me to me. I made a lot of self-realizations over the course of this year. I’m a great person, and I don’t let myself know that enough. I get afraid because I’m never confident enough in my own ability. I fear for the worst, and because of that, I get the worst out of a lot. But I’ve gained a lot of confidence.
I’ve done things I never expected this year. I flew to LA by myself (shout out to Sarah, a person who I’ve met this year who is just awesome) because I could, I’ve made many trips all over the country. NYC is my second home. I’ve met so many amazing people, made so many connections with people I never expected. I became a networker.
So, 2011, you’re one of my few years that have not blown by, and I sort of hate to see you go. But thank you for the experience. Thanks for the people. Thanks for the love I received. Thank you for it all. I’m blessed to breathe and move, to think and observe, to rationalize and act accordingly.